Is this Honoring the Marital Covenant: The Biblical Cases for Divorce

For Christians, marriage is more than a walk down the aisle or an application to the nearest courthouse - it's a covenant. It is made between the husband, wife, and God for eternity. Mark 10 tells us that when we marry “two become one flesh”. In the site of God, we become witness to a life forever as husband and wife. Therefore, as Believers who submit to that marital covenant, divorce is something that we don’t even consider. While we see a society plagued by 50% divorce rates, we don’t even see it as an option. 

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

As a Christian counselor and coach work with both premarital couples as well as those who have been together for many years. When couples come to me, they are typically struggling with a slew of concerns: loss of intimacy (physical or emotional), inequity of household roles, or even failure to understand and honor each other's perspectives. Occasionally, I also get couples who are experiencing much bigger concerns, such as abuse or adultery. But regardless of the struggle a couple is facing, the thing I hear most from my Christian clients is “I can’t get divorced because I am a Christian and I made a promise to God.” 

In most cases - like those mentioned above - I agree that divorce is not the answer to difficult times. However, many people don’t know that God provides in scripture 3 reasons for when divorce is the right answer. When I share this with clients, many have never even heard this while others are resistant to the idea because it is not what they have been preached. Understanding grounds for biblical divorce lies not within the rules of a religion but the truth of the Word. 

It is imperative for Christians to know when divorce is an option. 

Biblically - divorce is an option when we are not honoring and worshiping God and the covenant of marriage through our actions. If we are not living within a biblically sound marriage as the Word describes, we are dishonoring Him by staying just as much as if we left. The3 provisions for divorce exist so that we as Believers are always honoring God and protecting our heart for Him, before all else. 

Reason 1: Abandonment

“But if a husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases, the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other.” 1 Corinthians 7:15A

In this piece of scripture we are provided that we are not bound to a marriage if we are in a relationship with a non-believing spouse. The most important part of this passage is what defines a “believer”. A believer is someone who submits to the Lord and engages faithfully with Him. If your spouse attends church, reads the bible, or says prayers it does not necessarily indicate a heart and submission for and to the Lord. Legalistic rules are not the same as faithful discipleship. 

A lot of my clients complain about spouses who don’t spiritually lead or who are not faithful in upholding the biblical role they are intended to play. The argument against this reason and struggle is that a Believer can save the non-believer. Therefore, we should stay - in hopes for them returning or, if never having been a believer, walking toward the faith.

As believers, we are held to the covenant of faith. To obey God and His commands in return for eternal favor. While marriage is another covenant with God - if it is not honoring what He demands for that relationship, we are breaking both that marital covenant and the covenant of faith. God wants us to be happy and to thrive. He wants us to flourish in the way that will make us most close to Him. If your marriage is not honoring God’s covenant, it is nothing more than a mere earthly legal agreement - and may deem reason for divorce. 

Reason 2: Abuse

Exodus 21:10; Deuteronomy 21:11 (and many more)

This second reason for divorce is probably the most convoluted. This is because there is no direct statement in scripture that says “divorce is ok if someone is physically, financially, or emotionally abusing you.” 

The scriptures referenced above discuss how abuse is displeasing to the Lord in its dishonoring of the marital bond. Just because something is dishonoring though, doesn’t mean that the heart behind it can’t be changed. Therefore, of all three reasons given, we should consider reconciliation deeply first when abuse is present. God can heal us of our sins. However, when abuse is chronic and damaging to mental and emotional safety, divorce is permissible. It is permissible because the abusing spouse is not living a true Christian life and submitting to a biblical marriage, thus qualifying them as a non-believer. Thus 1 Corinthians 7:15 applies. 

Reason 3: Adultery

“ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:7-9

When I talk to clients, this is the most commonly accepted reason for divorce. It is more openly preached or discussed in modern Christian settings. Therefore, when someone does divorce for this reason, it is not as easily judged by a congregation. 

However, this scripture can be confusing still. The original language of the text doesn’t translate directly to our modern definition of “adultery” - cheating on one's spouse. In fact, it actually states that if someone divorces for sexual immorality and remarries, they are committing “adultery”.

However, scholars note that the second half of this text that discusses this, is only if someone divorces for non-biblical reasons. Therefore, sexual immorality is ground for divorce, but divorcing for a reason not stated in scripture leads to a deceitful and immoral heart. 

Understanding the grounds for biblical divorce is important as a Christian. But remember that the first step if experiencing marital conflict should be to seek help. Help can come in the form of pastoral care or through counseling or coaching. Through all three the goal is to help the spouses turn their hearts and marriage back toward the covenant of the Lord. 

If you are specifically experiencing marital tension, turn to Meghan Ray for help. Through coaching at Deep Roots Collective you can be provided a wide range of services from spiritual coaching to family and relationship coaching. Schedule a consultation today by clicking here.